Wolverine: The Collective Remakes of Awesomeness 2
by Sonata-Time-Nocturne-Aoi
Summary: Complete! This is a re-release of three more of my old X-Men parody fics starring Wolverine. Each story has been re-edited and re-formatted. Whether you have seen the originals or missed them completely, these will be worth the read again!
1. Wolverine Goes Berserk Over Prohibition

**Story**: Wolverine: The Collective Remakes of Awesomeness 2  
**Author**: Master Jin Sonata  
**Written**: January 12th, 2015  
**Genre**: Humor/Parody  
**Rating**: T (Violence, Language)  
**Disclaimer**: I do not own Marvel or its silly and hot-headed clawed berserker.

* * *

**The second collection of Wolverine-themed fics is here! The originals have been removed, and the updated versions are now in this new final update.  
****In this collective you will find**:

**Wolverine Goes Berserk Over Prohibition **  
Originally Published On December 28th, 2008

**Wolverine Gets It Handed To Him By Juggernaut **  
Originally Published On April 26th, 2010

**Wolverine Saves The World, Sorta**  
Originally Published On August 2nd, 2010

* * *

**Wolverine Goes Berserk Over Prohibition**

**The Blackbird**

The X-Men were on their way back to the X-Mansion after completing a rescue mission in the Savage Lands. Storm was piloting the jet, and next to her sat Cyclops. In the back were Gambit, Psylocke, Colossus, Jubilee, and of course: Wolverine.

"**Whew, another job well done by us!"** Jubilee says, pulling out a bottle of cold soda out of a cooler that sat next to her.

Wolverine reached into the same cooler and dug out a brown bottle from underneath the ice. **"Hey, no drinking on the job…unless its alcohol kiddo,"** Wolverine teases, popping open the cap and taking a swig of his beer.

"**I'm glad you're not flying this jet while intoxicated,"** Storm called back to Wolverine.

"**What's that supposed to mean?"** Wolverine says, leaning out into the isle and glaring at Storm.

"**You know what happened last time you were buzzed while operating machinery,"** Cyclops adds.

**Flashback**

Wolverine is standing through a gaping hole in the wall of Scott Summer's bedroom, haphazardly looking at his motorcycle which was lying on top of Scott in his bed after Wolverine had crashed it there moments earlier.

"**I always know that kid loved his bikes, but damn…"** Wolverine says, taking a swig of his beer as he continued to look at the accident scene while under the influence.

**End of Flashback**

"**Funny…I don't remember that ever happening…"** Wolverine said, scratching his head.

"**Gee you think?"** Cyclops said, with an irritated sigh.

"**Well at least his drinking does not interfere with his fighting ability, no?"**Colossus commented.

"**Damn straight!"**Wolverine says, taking one last gulp of his ice-cold beer just as the Blackbird lands back at the X-Mansion.

**Xavier's Office**

Inside Professor Xavier's office, the X-Men stand before the professor, who was congratulating them on a mission well done.

"**Well done team. The hostage you rescued is in safe hands thanks to you,"**Professor Xavier said to them.

"**Ah it was nothing sugah',"**Rogue said with a wink.

"**Oh, by the way, a breaking news report just came on a bit earlier while you guys were gone. I recorded it in case any of you were interested,"** Professor Xavier says, turning around in his wheelchair and popping in a videotape of the recorded news broadcast into his TV.

"**_Good evening. We have breaking news to report. Senator Kelly has just passed a new law that bans all alcoholic beverages from the entire state effective immediately in hopes to curve irresponsible persons from getting in trouble with beer. And now for Sports…"_**

"**Well that's not bad…it's not like anyone drinks here anyways…"** Psylocke comments, but was cut off when Wolverine kicks the television off of Professor Xavier's desk in a fit of rage.

"**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"** Wolverine yells as he turns around and leaves the room babbling and sobbing like a big baby.

"...**Well that can't be good…"** Jubilee says, shocked at what she just witnessed.

"**I have a bad feeling about this…"** Storm comments as she puts her palm on her face in embarrassment.

**Wolverine's Bedroom**

Later that night, a very jittery Wolverine was in his bedroom, curled up and rocking back and forth at the fact that he won't be able to drink any more beer now that this prohibition law is in effect.

Moments later, Jubilee peeks her head inside his room and sees how much of a wreck her teammate was at the moment.

"**Come on Logan…pull yourself together! You can make it through this!"** Jubilee said to him, trying to cheer him up.

"**I just can't grasp the facts kiddo…you don't know what it's like to lose something precious to you…"** Wolverine said with a groan.

"**Well…actually I sorta do…"** Jubilee started to mention.

Then, an idea pops into Wolverine's mind.

**"I got it! If I can't purchase any more beer, I'll just make some!"** Wolverine says with a new-found tone of confidence.

He jumps off of his bed and began rushing out of his room toward the lower level of the X-Mansion.

"**Wait! Where are you going?"**Jubilee calls out to him.

**"To play with a certain someone's chemistry set!"** Wolverine yells back, disappearing down the hall.

**Beast's Laboratory**

Downstairs underneath the X-Mansion, Beast was busy in his lab conducting various experiments involving dozens of chemicals wired through many test tubes and beakers.

"**Hmm…fascinating…if I just combine these ingredients together…I'll be able to make a potion that will potentially reverse the effects of the mutant gene within all of us, making us normal humans again…but I'm missing a key ingredient…"** Beast said to himself.

Beast turns and heads out of his laboratory to retrieve the missing ingredient he needs.

Unbeknownst to him, Wolverine had been hiding in his lab the whole time, waiting for him to leave. Slowly rising up from behind the counter, Wolverine swipes all of Beast's chemicals and pulls out a slip of paper from his pocket.

"**Okay, these damn instructions I printed off of the internet better be the correct ingredients for making homemade draft beer,"** Wolverine mutters to himself.

Then, one by one, Wolverine began grabbing the various colored liquids and started mixing them together according to the instructions.

"**There!"** Wolverine said, holding up a vile of brown liquid, which was his completed concoction. **"And now for the taste test."**

Just as soon as Wolverine brought the vile to his lips, Beast taps him on the shoulder from behind.

"**What are you doing, Logan? Can't you see I'm busy here?"** Beast says to him, arms crossed in disapproval. **"Hey, are those my chemicals?"** he then questions, pointing to the vile in his hands.

"**Yeah, I'm making me some beer, got a problem with that, blue-boy?"** Wolverine says to Beast.

"**As a matter of fact I do. Give me that!"** Beast says, snatching the vile out of his hands. **"Let me try this so called beer you mixed together."**

Beast takes a swig of the mixture that Wolverine made, and smacks his lips.

"**Hmm…tangy…but it's no beer though…"** Beast says, savoring the odd taste.

**POOF!**

Suddenly, a large cloud of smoke engulfs the blue mutant.

Once it cleared, Beast was completely transformed into a four-legged Canadian Deer, antlers and all.

"**What the…?! Logan, what in pete's sake did you make?!"** Beast said angrily to Wolverine.

Wolverine looked dumbfounded at what had happened to Beast, and then looked at the paper he printed out.

"**Ah shit…I misread it…it doesn't say 'Draft Beer', it says 'Draft Deer'…"** Wolverine mutters to himself…

**RAM!**

…when Beast suddenly rams into Wolverine in frustration, sending the beer-loving mutant flying across his lab, crashing into a wall on the other side.

"**Time to report Logan's behavior to the Professor…after I get me some berries and leaves…"** the deer-transformed Beast says as he trots out of his lab.

After Beast had tattled to Professor Xavier about Wolverine trying to make bootleg beer, Professor Xavier orders the other X-Men to tie down Logan in his own bed to make sure he couldn't try any other shenanigans that night.

**Wolverine's Bedroom**

Wolverine was laying face-up in his bed, strapped down by several chains, belts, and ropes.

"**Dontcha think this is a bit…much?"** Wolverine says as he tried to wiggle himself free, but fails.

"**It's for your own good. Your craving for alcohol is going to get yourself and the rest of us in trouble. Besides, Professor's orders,"** Cyclops responds as he, Storm, Jubilee, and Beast stood around him.

"**Don't worry Logan, this'll pass, and you won't be craving beer anytime soon!"** Jubilee reassures him.

"**I beg to differ, with you mentioning beer right now isn't helping, kiddo,"** Wolverine grumbles.

"**Then might I suggest we play some soothing music to ease your mind?"** Storm asks.

"**Music?!"** Wolverine says, as if he didn't want to listen to any right now.

"**Ooh, I know! I just bought this new music at the mall! It's a classic song from the 60's!"** Jubilee offers, pulling the disk out of her portable CD player.

"**Oh god…"** Wolverine mutters.

Jubilee places the CD into a mini stereo next to Wolverine's bed and plays it.

"**We'll check on you in a half hour, okay?"** Cyclops says as he and the others leave the room, shutting the door behind them.

The music started playing.

"**Hmm…music's not bad…"** Wolverine comments as he moves his head a little to the beat.

Then, the artist started singing.

"**_Oh show me…the way…to the next…whiskey bar…oh don't ask why…oh don't ask why…_**_**  
**_**_For…if…we don't find…the next whiskey bar…I tell you we must die…I tell you we must die…"_**

"...**You've got to be**_**fucking**_**kidding me…"** Wolverine groans.

**Thirty Minutes Later…**

The X-Men return a half-hour later to check on Wolverine's status.

"**You know…I can't shake the feeling that I played the wrong track for Logan before we left out of there…"** Jubilee says to the others.

"**What makes you think that?"** Beast asks, still in his deer form.

The X-Men open the door to Wolverine's bedroom, only to see the entire room destroyed, including the mini stereo, the bed, and a giant wall in the wall with Wolverine's outline through it.

"…**I think I can take a wild guess…"** Cyclops says, shaking his head in frustration.

Wolverine, who had breached his house-arrest order at the X-Mansion, was now on the loose within the city in search for some beer to calm his nerves.

**National Guard Reserve HQ**

The jittery and frantic Wolverine wanders throughout the city, eventually wandering into private government property. Climbing over a metal fence, he sneaks across the open grassy property and reaches one of the bunkers where the soldiers slept. Peering through the window, he immediately sees one of the soldiers near the front door with a bottle of beer in his hands.

"**That son of a bitch has beer? What the hell makes him more privileged than me!?"** Wolverine growls as he starts stomping toward the front door and knocks loudly on it.

"**Huh?" Who are you?"** the soldier asks after he opens the door.

"**Hand that over, bub!"** Wolverine threatens to soldier, unleashing his claws as a way of intimidation.

"**Oh hell naw!"** the soldier yelps as he immediately slams the door. **"Ain't no one getting' my cold bottle of-WAAAHHH!"**

The soldier's comment was cut short as Wolverine punches a hole through the door and pulls the soldier through it as well, proceeding to pummel the hell out of him.

**CRASH!**

Unfortunately for Wolverine the bottle flew out of the soldier's hands and broke as it landed on the floor.

Then, the alarm began to sound around the grounds.

"**Dammit!"** Wolverine says as he books it out of the vicinity and continues his search somewhere else.

**City Zoo**

Wolverine's search continues into the city zoo.

Leaping over the tall brick wall surrounding the zoo grounds, Wolverine's heightened sense of smell detected a hint of booze nearby. Tracking down the scent like a hound dog, he ends up near the monkey display. Sticking his head through the metal bars, he sees in the corner a small chimpanzee cuddling and caressing a bottle of alcohol.

"**Damn prohibitions even got the animals in desperation…"** Wolverine mutters as he slices open the cage with his claws and casually makes his way toward the little monkey. **"Come on, pal, how about sharing some of that with Uncle Logan, hmm?"**he beckons as he stepped ever closer.

Acting quick on impulse, the monkey opens the bottle and chugs down the alcohol in one fell swoop, and then smiles cheesily at Wolverine.

"…**You're dead, monkey!"**

The next thing that was heard was the monkey screeching for help as it was being roughhoused by Wolverine for that act.

**City Park**

A while later, Wolverine sat on a park bench within the city park, his head down as he tries to think of another place he could try searching.

"**Hey, Claw-Man!"** said a voice from down the sidewalk, followed by loud stomping.

It was the Incredible Hulk.

"**Oh, hey Banner. What are you doing here?"** Wolverine asks with a sigh.

The Hulk flops down on the bench next to Wolverine, which elevated his side upward as the Hulk sat.

"**Hulk angry about prohibition. Hulk wants beer like many others,"** the Hulk said to him.

"**You and me both, bub,"** Wolverine responded. **"I'd like to fricassee that damn Senator for putting this stupid law into place…"** Wolverine continued.

The Hulk then has an idea.

"**Wait! What if we challenge Senator to drink-off. We win: we get beer. We lose, we lose beer for good,"** the Hulk proposes.

Wolverine looks up at the Hulk.

"**That just may be crazy enough to work…! I doubt that point-dexter of a Senator has the ability to out drink me,"** Wolverine said, with newfound confidence returning to him.

"**Yeah! Let's go smash the Senator's stupid law!"** The Hulk says.

Both heroes get up and start making their way toward the Senator's home to challenge him for the right to drink again in the city. When they arrive at Senator Kelley's mansion, they knock on the front door and wait for an answer.

"**What is it? It's after midnight!"** the pajama-wearing Senator Kelly says as he opened the front door.

Wolverine and the Hulk both immediately rush inside, grabbing Senator Kelly along the way, and slamming him down in a chair in his den.

"**What the?! What is the meaning of this?"** Senator Kelly demands.

"**We're here to get back what you've taken from us,"** Wolverine says coldly to the Senator.

"**Yeah! Hulk no like it when you take away beer!"** the Hulk follows up.

"**It's idiotic people, especially mutants like you that shouldn't consume alcohol! I'm not changing my stance on my prohibition act,"** the senator tells them.

"**We'll see about that, you wimp,"** Wolverine says to him.

"...**What did you call me?"** the senator says, eyebrow raised at the threat.

"**You heard me you featherweight, I bet you can't consume a sip of alcohol without passing out!"** Wolverine tells him.

"**You take that back! I can to hold my liquor!"** the senator says back to them.

"**Prove it!"** the Hulk adds.

"**Yeah bub. You and me: drinking contest. I win, you end this prohibition crap. You win, and you can keep it,"** Wolverine offers him.

"**Hmm…fine. I'll show you guys not to mess with the higher government authorities,"** the senator says, accepting his offer. **"Meet me in the study in five minutes."**

The two agree to the drinking contest. They sit at a table in the study across from each other as the Hulk pours them each a shot glass of the lightest beer around. The senator was the first to drink.

"**Bottoms up,"** Senator Kelly says, quickly downing the alcohol in one gulp. **"Hmm…not bad…"** he says, smacking his lips.

**WHACK!**

It didn't take long after drinking it for the senator to collapse onto the ground.

"**What happened? Over so soon?"** the Hulk asks, leaning over to check on the senator.

"**Yep. That bottle of beer you poured us? I spiked it with some drugs while you two weren't looking. He'll be out like a light for a while,"** Wolverine says to the Hulk with a sneaky grin.

"**Where you get drugs from?"** Hulk asks with much curiosity.

"**Oh, I found some lying around his home. I always knew the crock was a stoner."** Wolverine says. **"Come on, let's get out of here."**

**The Next Day…**

The next morning, Wolverine returns to the X-Mansion, where he is greeted by all the other X-Men.

"**Logan, you got some serious explaining to do. Where were you all night?"** Cyclops demands.

"**Oh, just taking care of some business. Why you ask?"** Wolverine asks, looking innocent.

Cyclops and the others bring Wolverine into Professor Xavier's office, where on his TV was a special broadcast from Senator Kelly from the capital.

"**_My fellow people…I speak to everyone today to call for an end of the Prohibition Act effective immediately, due to unforeseen circumstances last night. As much as I hate doing this, as a government official I must keep my promises to the people."_**

"**Well what do you know…looks like the man had a change of heart,"** Wolverine says to them with a satisfied smile.

"**Wait Logan, there's more,"** Storm says, turning Wolverine's attention back to the broadcast.

"**_On a smaller side note, I am passing a new bill that will freeze all funding and assets of Educational Institutes that cater to mutants until further notice. That is all."_**

All of the X-Men glare at Wolverine, knowing that he was the one responsible for this.

"**Uh…how about a beer to celebrate?"** Wolverine says with a cheesy smile.

* * *

**Next Story: **Wolverine Gets It Handed To Him By Juggernaut


	2. Wolverine Gets Owned By Juggernaut

**Wolverine Gets It Handed To Him By Juggernaut**

**The X-Mansion**

It was a day like any other at Xaver's Mansion. Our hero Logan was hard at work doing the one thing he loves doing the most…

"**Logan?! Are you in front of the TV again?!"**

…and that was doing absolutely nothing.

Logan was lying on the couch in the entertainment area of the mansion, drinking a beer, chomping rather loudly on some potato chips, and watching…daytime soap operas?!

Standing behind him was Scott Summers, the one usually nagging him day on out.

"**Look at you…sitting there wasting space. You should be ashamed at yourself,"** Scott says to his teammate, arms crossed in discontentment and disapproval.

"**Oh shut up will you? I can do whatever I want, because I'm the damn Wolverine, bub,"** Logan responds, shooting a glare at Scott.

"**Well the Wolverine is starting to get a little large around the waist,"** Scott responds, pointing to Logan's blatantly obvious beer-belly.

"**Okay pal…"** Logan annoyingly says, getting up and approaching Scott. **"You want me to prove I'm no slouch? Then I will,"** Logan says to him in a 'matter-of-fact' tone.

**BEEEEEEP! BEEEEEEP! BEEEEEEP!**

Suddenly, the alarms around the mansion began blaring.

"**What's going on? Are we under attack?"** Scott asks no one in particular.

"**Precisely, Mr. Summers,"** said Professor Xavier, rolling into the room shortly after.

"**So who is it this time, Chuck? Magneto? Sabertooth?"** Logan asks, yawning and scratching his belly unenthusiastically.

"**It's Juggernaut. According to the alarm system, he should be nearing the front lawn by now. He must be stopped at all costs,"** Professor Xavier says to them.

"**Why would Juggernaut come here? What do we have that he wants?"** Scott speculates aloud.

"**Probably the half-million dollar car I hijacked from his home the other night,"** Logan responds casually.

"**The WHAT?!"** Both Xavier and Scott respond simultaneously in shock.

"…**What? He stole $50 from me last month, so I think this is an even trade,"** Logan said with a grin.

"**Logan, go out there and apologize for what you've done before Juggernaut destroys everything in sight, or no beer for a month,"** Professor Xavier says to him.

"**Oh fine…I'll be right back,"** Logan says with a sigh as he heads outside to deal with the hulking mutant.

**CRASH!**

Within seconds Wolverine is seen crashing through the mansion window from the outside. Lying on the glass-sprawled floor, he lifted his head slightly and spoke.

"**The brown-bastard ain't in a talking mood right now…"** Logan grumbles, before falling out.

Both the professor and Scott look at each other and sigh.

It was going to be one long day.

**Later…**

Inside the professor's office, he, Logan, and Scott continue to watch as Juggernaut continues to trash the school's grounds in search for his stolen car.

"**This rampage is costing us thousands of dollars by the minute. Logan, where exactly did you park Juggernaut's car?"** Professor Xavier asks.

"**It's out back inside the garage,"** Logan responds.

"**You mean the garage encased in titanium alloy so thick that even Juggernaut can't penetrate?"** Professor Xavier inquires.

"**Well don't just stand there, go and bring it out for Juggernaut!"** Scott tells Logan.

"**Tsk, fine, I still say that oversized turd doesn't deserve it,"** Logan said with a sigh as he began to head outside again.

Both Xavier and Scott watch from the window as Logan approaches the giant foe. After an exchange of words between the two, Juggernaut began to follow Logan around back out of view toward the aforementioned garage.

"**I swear…that's all he had to do in the first place…"** Scott says to the professor.

"**I understand Logan's position. He's not necessarily the negotiable type,"** Professor Xavier comments.

"**Bull crap! That hothead doesn't know the first thing about negotiation. He just stabs first and asks questions later,**said the obviously skeptical Scott. **"Or in this case, gets his ass beat within seconds."**

"**Give it time, you never know what'll happen until it happens,"** the professor responds.

**CRASH!**

Logan suddenly crashes through the rooftop of Xavier's office, landing flat on his face before them.

"**Huh? What happened this time? Juggernaut got his car back didn't he?"**Professor Xavier asks.

"**No…he didn't…"** Logan said in a muffled voice.

"**What?! Well why not?"** Scott demands.

"**I told him I forgot the password to open the garage door…"**Logan responds, lifting his head up slightly.

Both men stare down at Logon with a disgruntled look of embarrassment and disappointment.

"…**What? It's true,"** Logan insists.

**Even Later…**

It was now the evening and Logan was still trying to figure out a way to give Juggernaut his car back as it say locked within the X-Mansion garage. Logan sat in the lobby of the mansion smoking a cigar, contemplating his next move.

"**So? Figured out something?"** asked Scott, who stood next to him, arms crossed and waiting for an answer.

"**Nope. Besides, it's impossible to break into that garage and get that bastard's car without the password…that has somehow jogged my memory…"** Logan responds, puffing on his cig.

"**Whose bright idea was it to build an adamantium-alloy detach garage anyways?"** Scott questions further.

"**Um…mine…I think?"** Logan responds.

Scott sighs and began contemplating as well.

Suddenly, he had an idea.

"**Logan, just give Juggernaut enough money to buy him a new car,"** he insisted.

"**Heh, yeah right. Like I'm cleaning my entire bank account for that loser. Besides, I'm saving up to buy a new motorcycle," **Wolverine responds.

_(Refer to the other fic 'Wolverine Tries To Date Scott's Girlfriend' to learn why he has to buy a new motorcycle)._

"**Well Logan, it's either that, or have your ass beaten into the ground every moment you step outside of the mansion,"** Scott tells him.

A long low groan of annoyance slipped through Logan's lips as he stood and tossed away his cig. He left to go grab his credit card.

After all, this was his mess anywho.

After stepping outside with his card, Professor Xavier and Scott watch as Logan settles this little pointless conflict with Juggernaut.

"**Looks like Logan has found the proper solution to this,"**Professor Xavier comments with a pleased look.

"**Yeah…still wonder how we're gonna pay for all this damage Juggernaut caused while Logan sat around doing nothing,"** Scott comments.

After Logan forks over his money, Juggernaut shakes hands and seemingly makes peace with Logan….

**WHAM!**

…before punching him away with a mighty swing, causing Logan to crash through the window where the professor and Scott stood. Juggernaut then finally left the mansion grounds.

"**Logan, what just happened? Why did he hit you before leaving?"** Professor Xavier asks.

"**The bitch was happy he got his money for a new car, but was still pissed that he missed the new episode of Desperate Housewives while waiting,"** Logan says with an annoyed grumble before falling out.

* * *

**Next Story: **Wolverine Saves The World…Sorta


	3. Wolverine Saves The World, Sorta

**Wolverine Saves The World, Sorta**

**The X-Mansion**

It was a cold winter morning.

Logan was sleeping in his bed at Xavier's mansion, snoring away without a care in the world.

That was, until someone kicks down his door.

Logan shot up out of his deep sleep and looks around. **"The hell's going on?" **he mumbles.

Scott Summers, the one who burst inside, steps up toward his ally, with an unhappy expression on his face.

"**Logan! We've been trying to call you for the past hour! The world is under attack!"** Scott tells him with much urgency.

Logan yawns. **"What else is new? Now, can I go back to sleep now? Been up all last night drinking…" **Logan responds with an uninspired mumble.

**ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!**

Seconds later, Logan is seen running out of his room like a bat out of hell, with Scott shooting his optic beams at him as he gave chase down the hallway.

"**I'M UP I'M UP! SON OF A BITCH!"** Logan yells as he stops to catch his breath…

…only to release he was standing in front of Professor Xavier…completely naked.

"**Logan…it's um…nice to see that you are finally awake…"** said a surprised professor, trying to keep his wandering eyes away from Logan's bare torso.

"**What's this all about, chuck? Why ain't the other X-men saving the world?"** Logan asks, scratching his belly.

"**The other X-men have been deployed already, Logan, and most of them have been captured by the Brotherhood and even the more dangerous villains like Apocalypse. You are our last hope,"** the professor explains to him.

"**So I'm the last hope then, huh? Well, looks like it's time to show everyone what the Wolverine can do…so I can get back to bed," **Logan says as he proceeded to go get himself clean and suited up.

**An Hour Later...**

After preparing himself, the now fully suited Logan enters the mansion's garage to retrieve his motorcycle.

However…

"**WHERE THE HELL IS MY MOTORCYCLE?"** shouted Logan when he did not see it there.

At that moment, Jubilee ran up to him in response.

"**Oh hey Logan. Um…about your bike…me and Bobby Drake kinda borrowed it earlier for a mission…and he sorta wrecked it…"** Jubilee says to him in a nervous tone.

Logan simply glares at Jubilee; not deciding yet to whether hit her or do something else more drastic.

"**But wait, you can use my ride if you want!"** Jubilee offers, a cheesy smile on her face.

**Minutes Later...**

A very grumpy and frustrated Logan exits the garage riding on Jubilee's skateboard. Once he reaches the street, he was not aware of how icy it was.

"**Whoa Whoa WHOA!" **he shouted as his board skids across the slick ground and forces him to tumble down a steep ravine, and hit the bottom with a thud.

Logan sat up after the fall…

**WHACK!**

…only to have the skateboard to clock him on the head from above.

"_**This is gonna be one long day…" **_he mutters.

**Later…**

Logan ditched Jubilee's skateboard after sliding off the icy road and into a ravine seven more times within the span of three minutes. So instead he decides to hoof it until he could get some other ride to his destination. While we walked, he got a call from Professor Xavier.

"**_Logan, this is the professor. How is the mission so far?"_**

"**Slow…I'm just a mile from the mansion,"** Logan responds with a grumble.

**_"I heard what happened about your bike. Unfortunately we don't have any more vehicles to lend, so you will have to find some means of travel, and fast."_**

"**Easier said than done…"** Logan responds before hanging up.

To Logan's luck, an eighteen-wheel truck was approaching him around the bend. He took this opportunity to stop the driver so he could get a ride or hijack it, whichever came first.

"**Hey! Stop right there!"**he yells out, standing out in the middle of the road.

**CRASH!**

The truck's driver apparently doesn't see him as it slams into Logan at full speed.

"**Son of a bitch…hitting me head on like that…"** Logan growled, as he had latched onto the back of truck at the last moment after being run over. He climbs up the back and onto the roof of the truck.

"**Hmph…well, this is better than nothing…"** her states as he held on as the truck sped down the road that lead to the backwoods.

Everything was going smoothly at this point…until a low-clearance bridge approached.

"**What the…?"**Logan said, seeing the bridge at the last second…

**WHAM!**

…and colliding into it as the truck continued on through, leaving Logan to flop onto the road below.

"**Why me?"** Logan said under his breath as he slowly sat up and rubbed his cobblestone-stricken face.

The truck then suddenly stops just up the road.

"**Hmm? Did that driver finally notice me?"** Logan says he got up off the ground again.

The truck then started to back up in reverse, and at full speed right at Logan.

"**The hell?"** Logan said as he dove out of the way from being hit again.

Out from driver seat window was none other than Sabertooth, who laughed at the pleasure of screwing around with his archrival.

"**SABERTOOTH!"** Logan said, extremely pissed, unleashing his claws at the sight of the truck driver's true identity.

"**Hey Wolverine! Want a ride?"** Sabertooth taunted as he then drove away, tires screeching as he left a cloud of dust in Logan's face.

"**GET BACK HERE!"** Logan shouts, spreading both of his arms out in anger and waving them madly in frustration…

**CRACK!**

…which caused him to suddenly clothesline a motorcyclist off of his bike was just driving past Logan.

"…**Okay then…this works,"**Logan said in surprise as he quickly commandeers the motorcycle and sped off after Sabertooth, leaving the motorcyclist on the ground in a daze.

Logan continues to gives chase to the truck Sabertooth drove. Miles upon miles of swerving through the mountain road, it seem like this chase would take forever t-

**CRASH!**

Sabertooth suddenly loses control of his truck and slams it into a large tree, thus ending the otherwise lengthy chase scene.

Logan slows down and stops at the scene of the accident.

"…**Wow…that ended unexpectedly. Oh well, time to move on,"** Logan says as he takes off away from the crash, not even bothering to see if Sabertooth survived or not.

**Cement Factory**

Logan's next destination was a cement factory near the peak of the mountain. As our hero dismounts and walks toward the entrance, he is contact by the professor.

"_**Logan, what is your current status?"**_ Xavier inquires.

"**I ran into Sabertooth earlier, but ditched him back down the mountain. Now at some factory or something,"** Logan responds.

"_**Judging by my GPS, you are near the county's cement and asphalt factory. Proceed with caution; rumor has it this place is operated by a pair of shady individuals,"**_ Xavier explains.

"**Got it, Chuck,"** Logan says as he heads inside.

The interior was dimly lit, making it obviously difficult to see anything. After fumbling around the walls, he finally found a light switch.

As the factory became illuminated, Logan realized he was standing before two giant individuals: The Blob, and Juggernaut.

**"Damn…Chuck wasn't kidding about shady. You two produce more shade than the broad side of a-"**

**Biff!**  
**Crash!**  
**Pow!**  
**Crack!**  
**Snap!**

Later when Logan woke, he found himself tied onto a conveyor belt that was heading straight toward a vat of wet cement.

"**Shit…I should lay off the fat jokes…"** Logan muttered to himself.

"**Muahahaha! This is the end for you, Wolverine!"** Blob says to Logan.

"**Yeah, with you soon out of the way Magneto will be able to take over the world without fail!"** Juggernaut adds.

"_**Damn…gotta find a way out of here…"**_ Logan said to himself.

As our hero Logan lays tied to the conveyer belt of impending doom, he receives another call from Professor Xavier.

_"__**Logan, what is your current status? I've not heard from you for hours,"**_ Xavier inquires.

"**Um…let's say I'm about to be stuck in a hard place,"** Logan mutters.

_"__**Is that so? Should I send reinforcements?"**_ Xavier asks.

"**Reinforcements? I thought all of the other X-Men were out on other missions? Oh, wait, don't tell me you're gonna send that prissy-boy Scott down here?" **Logan says in disappointment.

_"__**No no, he's busy at the moment. In his place…"**_ Xavier says.

Moments later, the factory doors burst open, and in steps Jubilee.

"**Never fear, Logan! Jubilee is here to save you!"** Jubilee calls out in the most heroic voice she could muster.

"**...Oh god, just kill me now…"** Logan said in discontent.

Rushing in to his aid, Jubilee uses her firework powers to cut Logan's binds loose and free him from the conveyer belt.

"**Wow…I can't believe you're actually useful for something,"** Logan says to her in surprise.

"**Damnit! I told you we shouldn't have set the conveyer speed to 'Slow Enough For Wolverine To Be Saved By An Annoying And Near Useless X-Men Character That's Not Named Dazzler!'"** Juggernaut tells the Blob in anger.

Logan and Jubilee then confront the two villains head on.

"**Alright, bubs, you two are going down right now!"** Logan warns them both.

**"Nothing moves the Blob!"** the Blob says to them both.

"…**Really? That cheesy line from the X-Men Arcade Game?" **Juggernaut says to his partner in disbelief.

**Minutes Later Due To The Author Having To Go To Bed Early.l..**

Both Logan and Jubilee exit out of the factory after defeating both Juggernaut and Blob.

"**Wow Logan, you were awesome back there! We should do this again!"** Jubilee says to him in an exited tone.

"**Okay…that didn't sound right…"** Logan responded. **"Come on, we need to find Magneto and save the world. Think you can handle the danger?"**

"**Give it too me, big boy!"** Jubilee answers.

"…**Why is this happening to me?"** Logan mutters to himself, hands over his face.

**Later…**

Both Logan and Jubilee decide to head back to the mansion to prepare for a long trip to Magneto's hideout. Upon arriving, they head inside via the front entrance, when someone unexpected was floating in front of them…

...It was Magneto.

"**What the hell? What are you doing in our mansion, Erik,"** Logan demands as he unleashed his claws in response.

"**Muahahaha! I am here to kidnap the professor, and steal Cerebro for my evil plans, and there's nothing you can do to stop me!"** Magneto taunts him.

"**Oh no, we've got to stop him!"** Jubilee says with a gasp.

"**Step aside kiddo, I'll handle this,"** Logan tells her, as he then proceeds to dive towards his enemy…

**WHAAAMMMM!**

…only to go right through him and slam into the wall behind him.

After sliding down onto the ground, Logan shakes his head and looks up.

"**What the…a…hologram…? What is going on here!"** Logan said with a frustrated growl.

No sooner had he said that, all of the X-Men members sudden emerge from around the mansion, all of them laughing hysterically. Jubilee and even the professor seemed to in on this scheme.

"**Man you blew it, Logan! You are so easy!"** Iceman says to him in between laughs.

"**See, I told you this phony mission to save the world would prove to be a laugh riot,"** Cyclops said with a big grin.

"**My face hurts from all the comedy we watched from the time he left the mansion this morning,"** Storm comments.

Logan sat there looking dumfounded at the apparent joke everyone had played on him.

"…**What….the….FUCK?!"** he said, anger rising.

"**Just poking some fun at you, Logan. Come on, cheer up,"** Professor Xavier says to him.

Logan didn't find this whole ordeal really amusing….

…in the end, he spent the next twenty-four hours going on a complete berserker rampage all over the mansion beating the tar out of all the members who took park in this prank to make him look like a complete jackass.

That would be the last time he would take up any missions from any of them…for now.

**The End!**

* * *

**Thank you for reading this re-upload of fixed Wolverine fanfics! Please review!**


End file.
